LIFE IS HARD!!! Does everyone know this? I'm sure everyone does, but when those hard times actually come it's literally like a "BREAKING NEWS" kind of moment. The world stops spinning, life as we know it has paused and all of your attention is on the "news" of that moment. Maybe it's just me, but when something difficult is in my path, it's hard for me to focus our push past it until the problem is solved, a resolution has transpired or until I realize I was wrong, repent and that's when I can finally move on.
One of those "Breaking News" moments has come upon our family. For those following about our adoption, thankfully it doesn't directly involve that. That process is completely on schedule as far as we know. It's now a waiting game on our match. This particular news worthy moment is something that involves our immediate family. It's hard not to get into too much detail now, and I'm sure at some point I will, but for now just know our little family is needing prayers.
I actually started this post a few weeks ago, just hoping maybe it would work itself out by now. No, our family is still in "wisdom seeking mode" but we have succumb to the fact that no matter what God is in control. I know a lot of my posts seem to feature that sort of theme of trusting, letting go and giving control to Him. Obviously it's a personal struggle I have. When I write these posts it's like my own personal therapy session. Every word I type is sometimes a slap in my face, like God is using my fingers to tell me something He's been trying to tell me all along. "AIMEE - when are you going to let Me have control?!" I'm really trying...I think. I keep coming back to it though. Picking that same thing back up. How do you give Him full control over something? How do you not let those "breaking news" moments consume you and make your world stop spinning?
Faith. Prayer. Living in His Word.
Help me to live out those things, Lord. I don't want to walk this road without your guidance.
This morning it hit me like a ton of bricks, things are changing in our house. My little cozy, comfortable routine that I'm so used to is quickly changing and there is nothing I can do about it.
Thankfully, these changes are not "bad" changes at all. They're actually really wonderful changes. Tucker (my precious 5 year old son) is starting kindergarten in August, I think that's what poked this bear inside of me. This morning I went to the school to register him. No, I didn't cry, I was fine, but I realized that things were going to be different in our house very quickly. Not to mention we (hopefully soon) will have our sweet China Baby! It's all laying heavy on me today that my world is about to be wrecked, in a wonderful way, of course, but still wrecked!
I've quickly realized through this adoption process that I like to be in control of my situations. I like to have a plan and follow it. Tucker starting school in August is completely wrecking our routine and it's freaking me out a bit! Of course, not Tucker's fault, we do realize education is important, but I have no control over any of it! I'm the type of person that needs to have a plan, needs to know the plan in advance and quite honestly preferred to have made the plan itself. I like to know where I'm going and what will happen when I get there. Which is quite funny when you think about it because the adoption process is complete opposite of that. Oh yes, we have "timelines" and "guides" but there is literally no real timeline, we have NO CLUE when we will be matched and when we will travel. We just have educated guesses, and in some cases, just a guess.
So why am I ok with that lack of plan and not ok with all the changes that are happening right now in my life? Maybe because I've been in control far too long and God is trying to break me of that habit? Maybe He's telling me to let go of my plan and let Him plan for me. Maybe, He's trying to set me free?
He knows the plans He has set before me. He knows what will happen when Tucker starts kindergarten and all that will involve. He knows our China Baby and where she is and who she's with and that He is preparing her to become a Harmon. He knows ALL. He knows the past, present and future. Why am I trying to control what I see in this tiny moment of time?
It all comes down to these 5 letters. TRUST. Do I trust him enough to push past my need for control and let Him plan my future. It seems sometimes the "big" situations in my life are easy to give to Him, but the little things that may not be much to anyone else, but keeps me up at night (what will happen to our routine when Tucker starts school? Who will pick him up? How will we find time to help with homework?) Those things seem easy for me to hang onto. God wants it all, because He cares about it ALL. He cares that I want to be there for Tucker to help with homework. He cares that I want to pick him up from school and ask about his day. He cares about all of those things. So if the God of the universe cares about those things.....can't I trust Him enough to know He already has a plan in place?
Thank you, Father, for caring for me in the big things and the little things. Help me to remember that and cast all my cares upon you. Help me to trust you in every way.