Several people have asked us, "What made you want to adopt and why China and how's it coming?" I started this blog a year ago thinking this would just be a cool place to post some of our little projects we like to do. Little did I know, that this would be the place I would share my heart and our story of love, loss and a new direction for our family.
Jason and I always knew we wanted more children. Tucker is absolutely amazing, obviously, he's ours and we are a little bias. We figured once he got to be around 4 we would start trying again for another little one. With Tucker's pregnancy I had an "issue" in the very beginning where I had to go to the ER in the middle of the night. It was horrific. I was 8 weeks pregnant and started bleeding heavily. We rushed to the ER, which was my first time to ever go to the emergency room, and waited there all night. We got there around 11:00 pm and finally got home around 7:00 am. After all that waiting we had no idea if our sweet little baby inside me was even alive. Finally they told us the baby was fine. They weren't sure what caused all the bleeding, but I had to be watched carefully. For the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy I felt like I was on pins and needles every time I went to the doctor. I wasn't sure what they would hear, if anything. Fast forward 4 years later and he's here, he's healthy and he is so loved. We now know what caused the bleeding was a miscarriage of his twin.
So fall of 2015 we decided Tucker needed to be a big brother. We had tried for 4 months with no luck. I prayed and prayed and it just wasn't happening. Finally, one morning, the test read positive! AHHH! So excited!! A bit apprehensive, but still this is what I had been dreaming of. Jason & I were thrilled. I was going to have an October baby! October is my favorite month, it's not only my birthday month, but it's just the best month. I mean, come on, leaves changing, pumpkins, crisp mornings, beautiful colors! Yeah, I was so excited to be having my own little pumpkin in October. We couldn't wait to tell our families we were going to be a party of 4! So we did! We told them at 8 weeks. We felt like with the issues early on in Tucker's pregnancy, we could use all the prayers we could get. They were so excited!! And we felt their prayers.
That following week I had a doctor's appointment. They said it looked like I wasn't as far along as I thought. I thought to myself, "I don't think you understand, I've been tracking everything, so I'm spot on!" After some more tests, they found out I had a miscarriage early on in this pregnancy. The baby just stopped growing at about 5 weeks. I know you mothers out there can relate, it doesn't matter if you are 9 days pregnant or 9 months, once that stick says positive, that is YOUR child and you are instantly in love. I was in love with this child growing inside me. When I heard those words, "miscarriage" I was heart broken. I lost a child I never got to meet. It was a very hard time, but I'm so thankful for a Good, Good Father who wrapped His loving arms around me and held me close during that time.
After a month of treatments, due to a doctor that is no longer my doctor, I finally had a D & C and could hopefully try again soon.
Once the healing took place, both physically and emotionally, the thought of having another child naturally just didn't feel right. It seemed like God just didn't have that in His plans for us. I had been in a bible study by Jen Hatmaker (if you don't know her, you need to. She loves Jesus and strives to be His hands and feet) and during that study I just became totally convicted. Her prayer was for God to give her a holy passion and I began praying that same thing. "God, give me a holy passion. Help me be your hands and feet. Show me how you want me to live." And through that, adoption came into my heart...very heavily. I mentioned it to Jason...his immediate response was "NO", not because he's against adoption, but just because it seemed like such a far reach for us and pretty much impossible. So I began praying for his heart and for mine to be sure this was coming from God and not just me. I've always wanted to adopt, especially internationally, but I never thought it would be possible. It's expensive, it's non-traditional, it's time consuming, it's expensive. Yes, I said expensive twice, because ya'll it is! But I began praying, seeking God and learning how to discern His voice above the rest.
Months passed and we were still praying.
We were able to visit our best friends over Labor Day weekend. They had just brought their daughter home from China in July. We were able to talk to them about the process. On the way up there for the visit Jason and I talked about adopting. He was still a no, because of all those reasons I said, oh and did I mention it's expensive!? Yes, well that was his biggest reason. Again, I prayed. And I didn't pray for God to change Jason's heart, I prayed that whatever God wants for us that Jason and I would be on the same page. We both would agree to the answer God has chosen for us. We both prayed that prayer. We both wanted what God has for us. And we both prayed that God would reveal Himself to us in His timing and in His way on what His plans for us were.
I like to think a miracle happened in that weekend. On Friday when we left for the visit, Jason was sayig, "No, I just don't think we can adopt, I will pray about it, but I don't think we can." On Monday, on our way back home, he was saying, "Yes, this is what God wants for us." So immediately I thanked God for answering our prayer and I began researching adoption agencies.
We both felt called to China. Once I felt God calling us to adopt, I began researching different countries, including domestic, and Jason and I knew God was saying China. I won't get into all the details of the China program, but it suited our family and we both feel like our child is in that country.
We prayed and found a wonderful agency to use and our home study agency was a God send as well. We have seen God's hand over this entire process. It's been miraculous already and we are just in the beginning stages. We still have a long while to go before we travel, and right now we are getting all of our documents in order for the Dossier. That is all the important papers the US and China need to have in order for us to be in their system and we can be "logged in". We ask for continued prayers as we journey on. Thank you all for your support! I will keep you posted...until then...I'll say,用爱和祈祷 (Yòng ài hé qídǎo) which means with love and prayers in Chinese.
Harmon Party of 4